Own World ON 8.3.17 AT 9:35 pm
Have you ever thought that you're such a burden to everyone? Like when you asked them what they're doing tonight, where they want to go, have you ever thought they will be like "What's with this girl why do she want to know everything?" Yeah, it's funny. I know all those kind of thinking are quite nonsense, or maybe totally greatly nonsense, But that's me. I have that kind of absurd thinking which sometimes absolutely not true, like people never think of me like that. You know it's sometimes stressful because whenever I'm alone, whenever I felt like my friends were avoiding me, all those kind of reason flows in my mind. "Do they hate me?" "Do they feel like I shouldn't be with them?" "Do they think I'm such an annoyance?" and etc etc.
Sometimes I feel afraid because I know this might bring to some sort of mental problem? (Nauzubillahi min za lik) I tried to change, I tried not to think weirdly and so on but sometimes I failed. All those thoughts are like so strong, and they keep repeating inside my head. I goes around giving motivation to people, tell people it's okay to cry and they have my back and so on, but I can't even do that to my own self. I'm afraid to face the degree life here like with new surroundings, new friends, new lecturers, tougher subjects and so on. I hope Allah will give me strength, so that I can face all the challenges without relying to anybody except Him, In syaa Allah. Last but not least, have a good life people :)